In today’s post, I want to help you overcome that nagging voice inside your head. You know the one……….
NOOOOO!
NO you don’t….
Get out of here…
It’s my TURN!!!…
I won’t let you…
Ahhhh!
This is so much better!
There’s been a change in plans people! I’m here to interrupt your normally blah blah positive MicVinny blog to tell you the truth.
You see..I’ve been watching Mike closely every day since 2016 kicked off. I know all his dirty secrets.
He’s not as wise as you think he is. He’s just a little weak man that thinks he can get rid of people like myself!
Every month he has several ups and downs. And when that boy is down, that’s when I come in to steal his positivity!
You see I’m the beast Mike’s been trying to run from for all his life. You can say I’m his out of shape alternate ego.
I’m like Gollum to Mike’s Smeagol.
Call me Bubba The Beast.
Our Early Life Together
You see I first arrived in Mike’s life back in the eighties.
Back then Mike was nothing but a lazy coach potato and life was good. It was easy to gain access to sugary treats, processed nuggets and other fried snack foods! It brings tears to my eyes when thinking about those glory years.
I made sure we stayed our butts glued to the couch. There were no long bike rides in the park or daily interactions with the other neighborhood kids. The lazier we were, the more power I had in Mike’s life.
I was Mike’s best friend. All the kid needed was me plus a supersize bag of chips and a TV. What a perfect partnership. From elementary through middle school, we were BFFs.
Teenage Years
Once high school stated, Mike tried to join the high school’s football team. Did that coach potato think he could actually be athletic?
How dare he!
I ended up having the last laugh. Mike got a dose of reality two weeks into practice. My years of sabotaging his body paid off because he injured both his knees. I put that idiot in so much pain that he never attempted another team sport while in high school.
Life got even better once that magically new invention called “the Internet” made it’s way into our house in the form of AOL. That led to late night video game and online chat room sessions. Mike had no need to venture out of the house! All his needs were meet. If only I could take care of that annoying thing called school, then I would have had all the power!
Enter College Years
Eventually Mike decided to be all smart and go to college. I didn’t know how to handle it. He was going to be exposed to stuff outside of his comfort zone, which meant he was going to go away from me.
In less than one semester he started to abandon his dependence on me. He started watching less TV and actually socialized.
Blasphemy!
Every now and then I got him to binge on some good old-fashioned sweets but it seemed he discovered this awful place called ”the gym”.
He flirted with the gym in his late high school years, but something lit a spark in him. I’m not sure if it was his track star roommate, or his sport loving college friends.
SOMETHING made Mike want to start working out more often.
That’s when I realized my life was in jeopardy!
You Can’t Abandon Me!
19 years together and he wanted to change the game! I was always there for him and now he was abandoning me. All those years of feeling overweight, who was there for him?
Me that’s who! I was always there to help him get over it by making sure he knew about the latest flavor of Doritos.
It was ME who was there when he was heart broken and told him to put that cheese on those fries!
We could have been living the dream while living in Philadelphia for college. Every corner had a sandwich shop. How dare we not binge on cheesesteaks, buffalo wings and pretzels every day!
To stay in greater shape this guy walked everywhere in that city. His two feet helped him burn tons of calories outside of the gym. He even got a job lifting heavy boxes so he could burn extra calories.
What the…Who was this guy??!!
I remember seeing his 185-pound 6’ 3” frame in the mirror and being disgusted. This wasn’t part of the plan. Mike was changing the pain by being so thin and in shape. That’s when I packed my bags, and walked out of his life.
Guess Who’s Back!
Sometime in 2008, Mike got a new job. That job required him to travel often. What Mike didn’t realize was that I was secretly getting him back under my control.
You see the genius thought he knew everything there was about getting into shape. He had been reading the best fitness articles for almost a full decade. He thought he would know how to handle his new environment.
I remember during the first weeks of his new job, he was talking nutrition to some colleagues. They gave him a look like “what do you know?”
He was flabbergasted.
It wasn’t until that night that he did a double take in the mirror. That’s when our eyes made contact again!
That’s when I was back baby!
Those years of hiding were over. I was able to get him from that 185-pound frame back into a 250 lb. behemoth.
HAHAHAHAHAHaahaha
I finally figured out what to do. All I had to do was make Mike think he was becoming muscular.
What an idiot! He didn’t notice the love handles I had strategically placed.
Oh it felt good to be back!
I wasn’t going anywhere this time. For years he kept talking all this healthy eating mumbo jumbo. With all that talk, here I was back and bigger than ever.
Release The Beast
But like in the early 2000’s, Mike decided to try to get rid of me again. It took some years, but that goodie two shoes put me back in the closet by the time he got married.
That smug son of a gun even wrote a book about me called Release The Beast: Conquer Mental, Physical & Diet Challenges To Unleash The Champion Inside.
He was so confident with that book that he decided to spend seven weeks to lose 15 pounds during the holiday season. He thought the fatloss journey was going to be a breeze.
LOL, I guess I showed him.
In case you didn’t know, it did not take seven weeks. It took him 27 weeks!
LOL, what a loser! I made his life miserable!
I showed the boy during those weeks that I was not done with him just yet!
As a matter of fact, now that the summer is here, I think it’s a perfect time to interrupt his perfect plans again.
He has a long-term plan of transforming his body over the next couple of years. My goal is to make that as hard as possible. I can guarantee you that I will force DOZENS of setbacks!
He won’t have an easy time. I will challenge him every step of the way!
The Battle Within
I’ve been around his entire life! There’s no way I’m magically disappearing! Every ounce of muscle gained and centimeter of fat gone may have been a lost battle for me…but I’m here for the war!
You think Mike’s ready for the war?
How’s your own war going along?
Your little 10-day diet plans crack me up. You think you’re just going to get rid of people like me that fast?
I’m here for L-I-F-E!
You better come prepared if you think you can handle me!
I’ve had enough time trying to educate a loser like yourself. I see some ice cream sandwiches in the freezer that needs my attention.
MicVinny will be back next time to do one of his typical fitness garbage posts. He’s stronger than he use to be, so he has control over our body more than I like to admit.
He thinks you actually care about his posts. But I know the truth…you want to join me in eating some ice cream sandwiches…. Don’t ya?
You and I know you’re not strong. You may try to resist me now, but sooner or later you’re gong to crack.
When that time comes, I’ll be the person looking at you in the mirror with a big ole smile on my face!
Bubba out!
